How do I come out as queer to my best friend in a funny and stupid way?

“I wanna see it…”

“OMG what is that….”

“What you fucking liked that shit?”

What can I do after 18 cops raided my home, without a warrant, seeking a person who didn't live there and wasn't there, and also went through all of my stuff? The person wasn't on the lease, and they didn't see him enter.

“Keep your eyes closed.”{

“But would you at least try?”

“Yeah but I’m not gay bro…. I mean I love ya and all but are you asking me to have sex with you? Is that?”

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“Duh… And yes the sex is amazing. I can honestly say that the sex is the best sex I have ever had in my entire life. She is crazy wild in the sack. I mean like I have never even thought about doing half the shit we do in the sack. It’s honestly…. It’s probably a little bit too much. I mean she is a super freak. Like really kinky. It’s almost too much for me. But everything we have done so far I have been blown away.”

“I don’t remember ever seeing you naked before…”

“I’m telling you that you need to stop because I can’t hold back…. Ok here it comes….. I have to open my eyes…”

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“I promise”

“Dude your arms and chest I would kill to have those….And I’m just going to break the ice and do this now….”

“Well if you are hard it will make it look like you are enjoying it more….”

Why do I sweat so much? I’m 17 but I feel like I always need to re-apply deodorant and I am always self-conscious that I smell because I feel sweat under my arms.

“Close your eyes….”

“Yes… she has tons of them and they are all super freaks. I’m telling you.”

“I know… Same here….”

Why is only the left side of my vagina bleeding, on and off?

“Just my girl and her friend. I promise… Are you actually thinking about doing it?”

“Well like… I can’t believe I’m about to tell you this…. It’s so embarrassing…. Oh fuck it…. Have you ever had a girl stick her tongue up your ass before.”

“Well she wants to see me messing around with another person. Not just me by myself. Cause she is with the chick and all and she wants to see me fucking around as well.”

Why am I tired all the time?

“SO I have to be hard for this?”

“Hey bro did I tell you about Shelly? No… Yeah the blond with the big tits I’ve been seeing. No… Well I really don’t want to get too much into it right now but she’s really awesome. I don’t want to say I’m in love just quite yet because that scares the shit out of me. But she is definitely someone I could see myself loving if that makes any sense.”

“I do…. I do…. I know…. Thank you….”

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FAST FORWARD

“Selfish… How are you being selfish?”

“No bro… I’m not…. You would think. But Holy shit…. I mean it wasn’t just my asshole. She started off on my dick and deep throating me and then sucked my balls into her mouth and then my taint. She kept going further down and I was about to push her off of me and then I felt her tongue hit my hole. And don’t tell anybody I told you this… But when her tongue hit my hole…. Dude I fucking came. I came all over myself. I wasn’t even touching my dick. It was just this involuntary explosion. It was so intense I passed out for a few seconds afterward. It was crazy.”

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“Well this is going to be interesting… There is no way you will be able to get me hard but if you wanna try yeah go for it. You can suck it if makes you feel better but Its not gonna get hard.”

“Wow my best friend is stroking my cock…. Holy shit.”

Bro you are not gonna believe what happened to me this weekend. I was at the gym. I had this great workout. I did chest and legs. But there was something wrong with the AC so I was sweating like a pig. So I get done and I decide I needed to shower up before I headed out. I walked into the shower and this dude was standing there with a fucking boner stroking his cock right there in the showers. I couldn’t believe it. I tried to look away really quick but because of that I wasn’t paying attention and I slipped on a bar of soap that was laying on the ground near the entrance, At first I was able to stay upright on my feet but my one foot was super slippery from hitting the soap so I kept almost falling over. Right in the direction of boner guy. It was weird too because when something like this happens to you it’s like time actually slows down. It felt like it took me a full minute to actually fall. And in that minute I was getting closer and closer (despite all my efforts not to) to boner dude. As I started to realize that I was going to fall right into boner dude my eyes locked onto the one thing I was trying to avoid which was his big cock. My eyes got huge and I started to Scream NOOOO. But that was the wrong thing to do because it opened my mouth. And I fell right on top of boner dude and his dick went right into my fucking mouth. I was horrified. I tried to pull off his cock but dude pushed my head down even deeper so his cock was almost touching the back of my throat. And that was it. Dude started spraying my throat with the most delicious juices I have ever tasted in my life. It was the craziest thing. So anyway… any plans for this Friday? Me and Boner Billy are thinking about going out to see a movie. You wanna tag along. Maybe go on a double date or something? It’s up to you…

Why do boobs of some girls bounce when they walk?

“I hear that… It’s been a hot minute for me too…. Not a month but a hot minute…”

“Yeah but bro that feels like your fucking mouth wrapped around my cock. Is that what that is? are you sucking my cock?”

“Ha ha… yeah I know… So we have been live streaming and masturbating together while she has been gone…. And it’s been great. But she last week. Fuck why is this so hard…. Ok I’m just gonna say it. Last week. She sent me a video of her kissing and making out with this other girl who is out there in California. At first I was a little jealous. But it’s so fucking hot watching them tounguing each other and licking each others lips and her friend so smoking hot.”

Why do men first look at a woman's chest instead of their face?

“Well she wants to see a video of me as well?”

So a couple of weeks ago I had this total nightmare. It was out of no where too. I had met this chick who was really pushy about sex. And at first it was a lot of fun. We were fucking in public bathrooms and late at night in parks and in front of people and it was such a turn on. But then bitch got fucking weird. She insisted that we go to an adult bookstore. So we go to the back room and we both go into one of these booths they have there. And I drop some quarters into the movie machine and we are making out and I turn her around and slip my cock inside her and about that time I notice some dude has shoved his cock through a little hole in the wall between the booths. I just laughed it off. But this bitch bends over and grabs the dudes cock. Then she starts sucking on it while I am still fucking her. I was so shocked that it kinda turned me on. I know dreams don’t mean anything but it was weird that it was turning me on so much. Then she pulls my cock out of her and kneels down on her knees in front of the dick. Long story short she makes me get down next to her and before I knew what was happening she was barking orders at me to suck this cock or else I had to leave. I did not want to suck no fucking cock but I also hadn’t cum yet so I was desperate and I don’t know why but I started sucking on this fucking cock. She was going back and forth with me. She would suck it for a while and then she would make me suck it for a while. I went to town sucking on his dick hoping he would nut so I could go back to fucking her again. But right before I got it back inside her another cock was pushed through the hole. She wouldn’t let me fuck her until we got that one to cum too. Cock after cock after cock she was making me suck dick and I was starting to like it. Then she told me to turn around and guide a dick into my ass. I finally freaked out and woke up. I was laying in a puddle of sweat and cum all over my sheets. So being a little concerned about how this made me feel as a man I decided to go down to the adult book store and find that chick and prove to her once and for all that I was a real man and not just a cock sucker. I don’t know why I thought she was going to be there. So I looked all over for her and I couldn’t find her. But I was horny so I thought I would just go into a booth and jerk off real quick. And that is when it happened almost just like it did in the dream. A Giant cock was pushed through the hole in the wall and instinctively I just dropped to my knees and started to service this guy, while I was imagining her standing there telling me what to do. And I know it doesn’t mean anything but I really thought I should give you a head’s up just in case you ever go to that bookstore. Don’t put your cock through the hole in the wall because there is a fifty / fifty shot that it could be me on the other side.

“Come on man… don’t be stupid all of a sudden. I mean I’m not asking you to fuck me or to get fucked by me all I’m asking is we roll around naked and pretend like we are into it. and we jerk each others cocks a bit. And then we’re done and we don’t ever have to talk about it again. And we just pretend like it never happened. Please.”

Hello,hope y'all doin good, i came to Quora to share my strange story , a very weird one , a story when luck smiled at me ,maybe u will enjoy it , let's begin,have fun... A year ago ,I was a real porn addicted(btw I was 18) ,but never had sex before, I don't have a gf I didn't try to find one even ,always thinking to go to find a sex worker but then I just don't , everyday watching different bodies getting fucked and everyday enjoying. One day, I was watching porn, a big ass lady with big boobs ,just after seeing her the image of my female cousin poped in my mind, (let's introduce her : she's 35 years old , very big ass , nice boobs ,not very big but nice,always wearing tight clothes , she's divorced ) and I thought of me fucking her ,I never had sexual desires for her but now I do days went by and when I met her I was so horny ,I couldn't stay with the family cz my penis was clearly erected , I realized this is my first time I get horny for one of my family ,it not illegal in my country.well to make a long story short( if u want details just text me I will tell u 😊),I decided to give her signs that I want to fuck her,finally I decided to have sex and with my cousin , I thought it is the best beggining for me, i started touching her when I came across her in a narrow place , make her feel my hard cock when we hug , I thought it will hard and I will be ashamed but no , I felt nothing and she said nothing , probably she thought it was by mistake,anyways, I decided then to talk with her about sex, waited for her to be alone in a room and talk with her, I confessed everything about me watching porn and addicted..etc,she said it's normal and u are growing up and u must have sex,well at that time I was like whaaat????? Well I didn't control myself and asked her for sex ( horny like I Ve never been before) she said that she will think Abt it ,2 weeka went by then she called me ,telling that she reserved a room in a hotel and we meet tonight ,we met,and bruuhh, sex is great , I mean, I had to find a pirstitue ,what I was waiting for to have such a feeling ????, I will never forget that night, I started kissing her she was kissing hard ,she misses sex so bad , she sucked my dick and swallowed my semen ,I felt I'm in a dream , then when fucked ,her ass was very big and the anus was open ,didn't struggle to get my hard cock inside it , she was obviously missing sex , she was shouting ,fuck me yh fuck me , I go fast after every word until I cum , we did that 3 times , then we went to her pussy , using condoms I fucked her so hard the moans were higher , everything was perfect ,in the end I asked her to lick her body , licked pussy ,ass, boobs,then she sucked my cock until we sleeped ,all I know that she was dirty ,well before even having sex with her I knew she is an open minded woman , and a woman that looks that she donesnt know anything , but she knows everything, but never expected having sex with her ,well she was horny and that helped...but no one of us regretted that sex ever.. We still have sex from time to time ,and I started having sex with sex workers , joining threesomes..etc If u want pics of her text me.

“Dude youre fucking ripped man… Seriously… I feel a little ashamed now…”

“Well you definitely got hard….”

“She told me that she made two more videos with this girl and that she wants to do more with her but she says I’m being selfish.”

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“Oh yeah that’s kinda tricky… What about that one chick from Webster you know the one who liked to wear her cowgirl boots while you were fucking her. Melinda or Belinda or some shit like that…. Right? I bet she would do it.”

“Yeah I think you might be too….”

“keep them closed…”

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“Super freak how…. Like what exactly are you talking about?”

“You fucked her yet?”

“What the fuck? Why?’

How would you feel if your friend confided in you that she is cheating on her husband, knowing that he loves her deeply? What emotional and ethical considerations would you grapple with in response to her revelation?

“Well Kind of…”

“Well….I don’t… I mean I’m too embarrassed. I can’t tell you… You will think I’m just fucking lost my mind or something…. Just know that it’s all been fun.”

“That’s awesome…”

“She’s from there and her dad is sick. He doesn’t have much longer to go and she’s trying to help out for these last few days he’s here on this planet because he doesn’t have anybody else that can help him.”

“I’m not mad at her at all. I’m just super fucking sexually frustrated right now.”

“Well that is exactly why it would matter. She isn’t having sex with a man so it’s not like she is cheating on me either. Does that make sense…”

Or tell him…

“OMG…. Bro slow down…”

“Holy shit I’m nutting in your fucking mouth….”

“that is so funny it took you this long to finally have the light bulb go off…”

“why are you telling me about this if you aren’t going to let me see the video?”

“Maybe… we’ll see… So then the next day she send me a video and they are in bed together and they are both fingering each other. I jerked off watching that stupid video like ten times in one night. It was so hot.”

“OK I”m going to hold you to that….”

“Dude are you gay?’

“I can’t believe you are asking me to do this.”

“Try saying it in English. That is going to work best with me…”

“No now I want to know. I’m not gonna think wierd about you. Tell me… You have me all curious now.”

“Well no we don’t have to have full on sex if you don’t want to. But I was hoping you being my best friend and all you would be a little more open minded about this….It’s not like I’m just dying to see you naked or anything. But I need a favor and you are the only one I could think of that I might even feel comfortable doing something like this with. I mean come on bro I’m not gay either.”

“Thanks bro…”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this and in front of a fuckiing camera for christ’s sake. Unbelievable. You owe me big time….”

“You’re joking right?”

“Her name was Bella… And yeah she would love to do it. But That’s the thing. See I can’t fuck Bella for her becuase she would get super jealous and freak out and that would be the end of it. We would be done. No chicks… I can’t have sex with any chicks or else she would consider that to be cheating…”

“Wow does she have any friends?”

“What’s kind of mean?”

“Well then send her a fucking video dude… This is a no brainer. What is the big fucking deal?”

“Good idea…”

“I mean she is awesome…. And I can’t get mad at her but she’s been in California for a month now.”

“I wouldn’t if it wasn’t important.”

“Bro I dunno if I can. I mean yeah we can try but I’m not promising anything. I know for a fact that my dick is not gonna get hard. with you even in the same room.”

“What exactly are you talking about? What would you need me to do. I mean I could film you if you want. I could be the camera guy….”

“Oh yeah ok I get it… So if she is doing this chick then it’s not really cheating… So that means oh fuck wait a minute… Where are you going with this?”

“You can’t be mad at her for that bro. That’s the right thing to do.”

“Yeah I think I might actually be gay.”

“And who all is going to see this video?”

“Keep them closed it’s a surprise…”

“Slurp slurp slurp…”

“Fuck no….”

“I don’t understand… She’s with a chick… So what would that matter?”

Or if you might want to mess around with your bud you could always be like:

“Ok… Look I need to ask you something but it’s totally fine if you say no I totally get it but I don’t even know how to say this…”